


Everytime We Touch (Soulmate AU)

by CravingCraze



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Connor tries to get better, Evan has a lot of self hate, M/M, Soulmate AU, Trigger Warning: Cutting, Trigger Warning: Eating Disorder!!, trigger warning: self hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-20
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-10-13 04:21:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17481080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CravingCraze/pseuds/CravingCraze
Summary: In which you have a black print on your body that indicates where your soulmate will touch you the first time you meet. When they touch the print, the print changes color.Trigger Warning- Eating disorder, cutting, and self hate.





	Everytime We Touch (Soulmate AU)

The two handprints on Evan's chest seemed to mock him. Was his soulmate going to touch him sexually? It could've appeared on his hand or his shoulder, but no, it had to be on his chest, because nothing in Evan's life was normal. And then there were those marks, the stretch marks permanently scarred into his thighs. He was trying to get better about it, he really was, but he always found himself falling back into a relapse.

He hated himself, so so much. He hated his dimples, he hated how no matter how much he tried to make his hair look nice that'd he'd ruin it later by running his fingers through it. He hated his chest that was just barely defined, he hated his gut that was getting dangerous skinny but it just didn't satisfy him, and he hated his thighs that were permanently marked with his mistakes.

But most of all, he hated what the cast on his left arm hid; a broken arm with a cast that hides a broken boy, who tried to take his life over the summer. 'You tried to take a shortcut', he told himself, 'others suffered longer than you and you pull a stunt like that? Pathetic, you deserve to fucking die.'

Sighing, he grabbed his blue polo and pulled it over his head, masking the black prints underneath it. He just had to make it through the day, right? That's what his therapist told him, one day at a time. Truthfully, he was finding it hard to believe, but he'd never tell Doctor Sherman that.

"Evan, are you ready to go?" Heidi called, walking up the stairs.

"Y-yeah!" Evan called back, quickly grabbing the medication from the top of his dresser, drop one into his hands, and swallowed it dry before setting it back down. He promised himself he'd eat that morning, but promises were made to be broken, right? Besides, there wasn't enough time to eat. 'Besides, you don't deserve food. You haven't worked hard enough for it'. He quickly grabbed his bag and went down the steps.

"Did you take your meds?" Heidi asked, taking her car keys from the rack.

Evan nodded, "Yeah, I just had t-them." 

"Good. Here's your lunch, I'll be out in a minute," Heidi gave him a blue lunchbox.

"T-thanks mom," Evan made a small smile and went out to the car. She tried her best and that was what mattered most, right? Of course, it'd be nice to have her around more, but she had her priorities, and Evan had his, he guessed.

The car ride was uneventful. Heidi said she'd pick Evan up for his appointment after school, which would be nice for a change, rather than trying to use public transportation. She urged him to ask people to sign his cast, and try to make a new friend that day. He admitted to her that he'd try.

When Evan went inside, he was greeted to Alana Beck, the Class President, who told him about her volunteering hours and how her grandmother broke her hip and died during the summer.

For some reason.

Evan silently hoped Jared would sign his cast, but all he did was make a masturbation joke out of it and boast about summer camp. When he did ask if he'd sign it, Jared remarked that they were family friends and he would not sign the dreaded cast.

Sometimes Jared doesn't know when to stop. Evan loves him, but he can be very immature at times. "Hey Connor, loving the hair! Very school shooter chic."

This only earned a glare from the taller boy. 

Jared shifted awkwardly, laughing, "Um, it was a joke!"

"Yeah no, it was funny. I'm laughing, can't you tell?" Connor deadpanned. "Am I not laughing hard enough for you?!"

"You're such a freak!" Jared remarked, before walking off, leaving Evan and Connor by themselves.

Evan, not knowing what to do, laughed nervously. Wrong move.

"What the fuck are you laughing at?" Connor snapped.

Evan tried to speak, to make an apology, to form words, but all that came out was a stuttery mess.

"You think I'm the freak? I'm not the freak," Connor stepped over to him, his defensive instincts kicking in.

"You're the fucking freak!!" He exclaimed, pushing Evan back against the lockers, before storming off.

Evan gasped but not in pain, but Connor touched his prints. That couldn't be a coincidence, right? He scrambled to get up and hurried to a restroom that was long deserted by now, and threw off his shirt.

He stared at his once black marks, which was now a mix of pink, yellow, and light blue, glossed over his chest.

"Fuck.. f-fuck!" Evan clutched his shirt close, trying to steer away from a panic attack. 'Why today? Why now?' He thought to himself, unable to stop the tears flooding down from his eyes. He couldn't handle this, it was too much for the first day. Was he upset it was Connor? No, in a way, he silently related to the taller boy, but he was a lot for Evan to handle. He was too much, and Evan was just a let down, Connor would see that for sure.

'You aren't going to look at him, think about him, or even touch him,' he told himself, wiping away his tears and putting his shirt over his head. 'He can't know his soulmate is this much of a disappointment.'

That was Evan's goal, and he thought it'd be easy to do, but he was caught off guard when Connor was in the computer lab at the end of the day, holding his printed letter. Connor asked him how he broke his arm and they awkwardly shared a laugh, but then Connor asked if he could sign his cast. Evan let him after he proved to be persistent, and his cast was covered with the name 'Connor', in bold, black letters. He ended up apologizing about what happened that morning and returned Evan's letter to him, and when he said they could pretend they both had friends, Evan said that they didn't have to pretend. This prompted Connor to exchange numbers with him, and left with a wave, and a promise to see him the next day.

Evan wasn't expecting him to keep this promise, but he did, specifically at lunch, where the two talked about whatever they could think of. Evan told him a lie, in which he didn't like physical contact so he wouldn't be touchy. Connor said he wasn't either, and that he understood. He saw that Connor liked wearing gloves, even though it was barely cold out, but yet they were fingerless ones so they were probably for aesthetic. 

Despite not knowing him for that long, Evan felt butterflies flutter around in his stomach whenever they hung out. 'It's normal, isn't it? He is my soulmate after all. I wonder if he feels that way too. No, he probably doesn't. Sometimes there's one-sided soulmates and I'm not attractive anyways.'

"So, you wanna skip?" Connor asked, stuffing a now empty zip lock baggie into his jacket pocket. They'd know each other for about a month, and they skipped once when Evan had an anxiety attack. Evan didn't want to skip too much, as it was his senior year, but then again, he barely did anything significant in his other years, so he figured he'd try to take a couple of more risks.

"S-Sure," Evan said, his voice barely above a whisper. He was having a bad day and his anxiety kept acting up, so the Orchard would hopefully help calm him down.

Connor grinned, "Sweet, let's go." He said, standing up and watched as Evan stood up as well. He lead Evan out to one of the lesser known exits and walked to his truck. Evan quickly texted his mom, saying he was heading home due to his anxiety, which had a lot more apologizes than he wanted.

Soon they were both in the car, letting the music from the radio fill the silence. Evan silently pondered how exactly soulmates worked. He knew that in order for a person's print to change color, their soulmate had to touch them, but it also needed to be reciprocated, so did Connor know, or not? It wasn't like he could check either, everyone was secretive about their marks for some reason. Even if he did touch his mark, there wasn't a guarantee he was his soulmate, as he already thought it as unreciprocated. The entire situation itself was confusing.

"Alright, here we are," Connor pulled Evan out of his thoughts as he parked the car.

Evan jumped slightly but unbuckled his seatbelt and climbed out of the car. He was hoping to climb some trees or something, mainly because his cast was taken off a week ago. "Yeah, heh.."

Connor approached the fence, it was short and easy to climb. He hopped over it and watched as Evan followed suit. He grinned. 

"I remember the first time we came here. You tripped over the fence," Connor tried not to, but he chuckled at the memory.

Evan blushed in response. "H-hey! My cast got, got stuck on the f-fence!"

"Yeah yeah, anyways now you can climb trees while I draw or something," Connor rolled his eyes and put his hands in his jacket pockets.

"Why don't y-you join me? Um, if you want.." he said sheepishly, looking away. He kicked a rock in order to distract himself.

Connor shrugged, "I don't know how to climb trees, and it's more your thing than anything."

"I-I can, I can teach you!" Evan squeaked, before blushing a scarlet red.

"Well I mean, as long as it's okay with you, but you look really red. Are you cold or something?" Connor raised an eyebrow as he leant back against a tree.

"I-I'm fine, really! Let's, let's go!" He hurried over to a nearby tree, one that looked good enough for climbing.

Connor followed him, and stopped next to him. "Show me what to do, oh tree expert." He teased, quoting something had said during one of their first conversations together.

"W-Well, you just, you grab onto the tree and pull yourself up, l-like this," Evan demonstrated his instructions, slowly climbing up the tree.

Connor watched him for a bit, before climbing up as well. He winced at the feeling of tree bark on his exposed fingers. "Jesus Christ.. how do you handle the fucking splinters?"

Evan looked down at him and merely shrugged, "I've been, been climbing t-trees my entire life. I'm just, I'm used to it?"

"Clearly.. Are you sure I won't fall? I don't want to pull an Evan!" Connor was half joking as he slowly pulled himself upwards on the tree.

Evan's expression darkened, knowing that Connor didn't really know what had happened that day, and quickly changed his look, but it looked a bit forced. "D-definitely! Heh.."

The two continued up the tree until they neared the top, where Evan grabbed onto a branch and pulled himself up onto it. Connor sat on a branch just beneath him. Evan allowed himself to relax just a little. He forgot how thrilling climbing a tree could actually be. Evan looked down at his chest, remembering his colored marks, and then glanced at Connor, who was at peace below him, swinging his legs slightly, gazing at a setting sun.

"Well, I doubt you got to enjoy the view last time, so uh, I'm not sure where I was going with this," Connor said at last, chuckling awkwardly. He didn't face Evan.

Evan giggled, "I didn't. It's nice.." He looked down at Connor.

"Yeah.." Connor finally took a moment to look up at Evan. He made a small smile.

It didn't last long however, as the branch below Connor creaked. Evan gasped, as he knew what was going to happen, he had spent his entire life tree climbing. "Connor! Grab my hand!"

Connor quickly put the pieces together as the branch mad a loud crack and creaked again. He reached up for Evan, slowly starting to stand. Evan kept his right arm held out for him, as Connor continued to try and grab it with his left. He managed to grab it and felt the branch snap beneath him. Evan grunted as he held onto his arm tightly, Connor screamed as he was just dangling now, his life in Evan's hands.

"I've got you!" Evan called down to him, feeling Connor kicking his legs. He knew Connor wanted something to press his feet against, as he was pretty much helpless, but it really didn't help. "P-put your arm on the branch! Good, now, up on three! One, t-two, three!"

Surprisingly, it went well, and Connor was unharmed in the process. Evan told him that they should head down before another branch broke, and Connor didn't object to that. Slowly but surely, they were off the tree, safe on the ground.

Connor was very conflicted with something, as he stared at his left forearm, and Evan suddenly realized that he had touched Connor. It wasn't something Evan had anticipated and he only did it to save Connor. Everything he was trying to do had just come crashing down, it was all over now. Connor would leave him for sure.

Connor slowly, hesitantly, took off the glove on his hand, and rolled up his sleeve. On his arm was a pink, purple, and blue mark starting on his palm, ending near his forearm, and some faded scars as well. Evan gasped, gazing at the colored forearm.

"You're.. you're my soulmate," Connor said slowly. "You have to be. It didn't look like.. this, until after you saved me. I know that without a doubt. But, I don't know if, if the same thing happened to you."

Evan hesitated, that would mean he'd have to take off his shirt and Connor would definitely see his stretch marks. Just as he was about to answer, he saw Connor's expression slowly developing into hopelessness, he quickly changed his opinion and quickly removed his shirt. He bunched it up into his hand, unsure if he should set it on the ground or something.

Connor's eyes immediately went to his marks on his upper chest. Slowly, he approached him, and spread his hands over them slowly, taking it all in. Evan said nothing, gazing intently at Connor's mark. He put his palm over a small part of it, shut his eyes, and waited. Neither of them had to say anything, they already knew what it meant.

Connor soon let his eyes wander down slightly, to Evan's thighs, when he saw the stretch marks. He felt Evan tense up, so he slowly released him.

Evan didn't say anything. He looked away, teary-eyed.

"Hey, don't feel guilty about what you did, okay?" Connor soothed, slowly putting a hand on Evan's cheek, and felt a little prideful when he didn't pull away. "You're struggling, I'm struggling, but that's okay. We're gonna get through this."

Evan.. wasn't expecting that as a reaction. He thought Connor would be angry, that he'd be yelling, but that just showed him he still had a lot to learn about Connor. He made a made smile and nodded.

"There's that pretty smile," Connor moved his hand away, and looked at Evan's marks again. "Those are quite the marks, Ev."

Evan giggled, "I bet y-you thought yours was a handshake or s-something."

"Well I didn't know you were destined to save me from falling out of a tree!" Connor exclaimed jokingly. "You gonna put your shirt back on? I hope not, you look fucking sexy without it."

Evan blushed heavily, "Well uh, d-don't roll down your sleeve, cause I like your arm."

Connor snorted, "Oh Evan, let me seduce you with my sexy, scarred arm.~" He threw his arm around his shoulders.

"I just, I l-like you being open and brave about I-it!" He added on. "But uh, I r-really like this.."

"I thought you didn't like physical contact?" Connor raised an eyebrow.

"I only said that c-cause I was scared of knowing the truth.." Evan admitted. "I actually r-really like being touchy."

"Well, looks like you weren't the only one who lied," Connor shrugged. "Look, I know this might be a bit soon, but uh.. are you interested in being in a relationship? I know I'm not the best guy, but um.. yeah.."

"You know what? I'd a-actually like that," Evan smiled, leaning against him.

Evan didn't care if they were moving a bit fast. In the end, he found someone who cared about him, he found his soulmate, and that was enough for him.


End file.
